How to pick a GC

This might honestly be one of the hardest parts of the entire surrogacy process.

Not only is the demand for gestational carriers incredibly high, but at the end of the day, you are also asking another person to carry your child.

And for someone like me, that level of trust felt enormous.

There are several different ways people find a gestational carrier.

Some are fortunate enough to have a family member or close friend offer to carry for them. Others work through agencies, while some choose to go through the process independently.

In order for someone to even qualify as a gestational carrier, there are usually strict requirements. Most clinics require a woman to have already had at least one healthy pregnancy and delivery, maintain a BMI under 30, and generally be under the age of 40, although each clinic sets its own criteria.

One thing many people don’t realize is that a gestational carrier is completely different from a traditional surrogate.

A gestational carrier shares no DNA with the baby.

The embryo created through IVF is transferred into her uterus, and if implantation is successful, she carries the pregnancy but is not genetically related to the child.

A traditional surrogate, on the other hand, uses her own eggs and therefore has a biological connection to the baby.

I spent much of 2021 researching this process obsessively and eventually became confident that I could navigate surrogacy independently without using an agency.

We didn’t have family members or close friends able to carry for us, so I knew I would have to find our GC another way.

I did place us on waitlists with two agencies initially, but because of Covid and the growing demand for surrogacy, both agencies estimated wait times of 18 to 24 months just to be matched.

Honestly, that felt shocking to me.

Part of the reason I originally didn’t want to use an agency was because I had already spent so much time researching every aspect of surrogacy myself.

Agencies charge significant fees on top of the gestational carrier’s compensation in exchange for helping facilitate matching and logistics. But knowing my personality, I already knew I would still be doing extensive research and vetting on my own regardless.

I trusted myself to find the right person.

Like most things these days, my search eventually led me to social media.

There are Facebook groups specifically dedicated to GC matching, including groups organized by individual states and larger nationwide groups.

I joined several and spent days quietly observing conversations and reading posts before finally working up the courage to create our own profile introducing ourselves to potential carriers.

It honestly felt incredibly vulnerable putting our story out there and hoping someone might connect with it.

My first post received two responses.

I spoke with both women extensively about expectations, values, termination preferences, communication styles, relationships after birth, lifestyle choices during pregnancy, dietary preferences, and all the difficult conversations that have to happen to determine compatibility.

Unfortunately, neither situation worked out.

One woman experienced a family emergency shortly after beginning the clinic process, while the other completely disappeared without explanation.

And no, this didn’t happen simultaneously.

I intentionally approached each conversation seriously because I never wanted anyone to feel like they were being led on.

Still, every failed match felt emotionally exhausting.

All I could think about was time passing and Logan getting older while we remained stuck in limbo.

I made several more posts after that, but nothing meaningful came from them either.

Occasionally, gestational carriers would create their own posts looking for intended parents, but the competition was intense. Some posts would receive over 100 comments and messages almost immediately.

Then one day, I came across a post from a woman I instantly felt drawn to.

Something about her felt right.

I messaged her privately and sent her the same bio I had shared publicly in the groups.

And thankfully, she responded.

The more we talked, the more boxes she checked for us.

She was open to our preferences, values, and expectations, and in return she felt comfortable with the compensation and structure we were offering.

I’ll admit I was initially nervous that she would be a first time GC because I had read that the medication protocols and emotional adjustment can sometimes be more difficult the first time around.

But she was willing to try.

And honestly, that willingness meant everything to me.

The moment she officially submitted her paperwork to the clinic, I remember feeling excited in a way I hadn’t allowed myself to feel before.

We had finally made it further than we ever had with anyone else.

But at the same time, another emotion hit me just as strongly:fear.

This woman would potentially carry my child.

She would experience the kicks.The exhaustion.The pregnancy symptoms.The connection.The moments I would never physically feel myself.

And meanwhile, I would be standing on the outside watching it all happen.

One thing I immediately appreciated about our GC was how naturally we communicated.

Sometimes we talked every other day.Sometimes weekly.Sometimes daily.

That constant communication helped me feel more involved and emotionally connected to the process.

Once the clinic cleared her initial paperwork, the next step was traveling to Denver for a full day of evaluations alongside her partner.

Honestly, I appreciated how thorough my clinic was.

They performed bloodwork, infectious disease screening, hormone panels, physical exams, psychological evaluations for both of them, and eventually brought all of us together into one room with the therapist to make sure every important topic had truly been discussed openly.

By that point, we had already communicated so extensively through text and calls that I expected the meeting to feel easy.

And it mostly did… until suddenly I found myself sitting there with tears streaming down my face.

For someone like me, someone who thrives on control and preparation, this process was incredibly difficult emotionally.

When I carried Logan, I was so intentional about everything. I controlled every aspect of my environment, diet, lifestyle, and routines because I wanted to give him the healthiest possible pregnancy.

And now I had to trust someone else to make those decisions for my child.

That was hard.

I also became deeply aware of how fortunate I was to have experienced pregnancy myself at least once before all of this happened. Many intended parents entering surrogacy never get that opportunity at all, and I carry so much empathy for that heartbreak.

The next major phase was the mock cycle.

This process lasted about six weeks and involved our GC taking hormones and medications to ensure her body would properly respond to embryo transfer protocols.

The clinic closely monitored how her uterine lining responded because lining thickness and hormonal response are critical for successful implantation.

We first “met” our GC in August 2022, and by the time we completed the mock cycle, it was already November.

Originally, I had hoped to find someone local in Colorado, but by that point I realized geography mattered far less than finding the right person emotionally.

And Nevada suddenly didn’t feel far away at all.

Then came contracts.

Honestly, this was probably one of the hardest parts of the entire matching process.

This is where every conversation, expectation, and agreement suddenly had to become legally documented and negotiated between attorneys.

Even though we had verbally discussed most things already, a few financial terms shifted once lawyers became involved.

If I’m being honest, it hurt my feelings initially.

But eventually I had to step back and remind myself what truly mattered most.

What she was giving us was infinitely more valuable than a few contractual disagreements.

We officially signed contracts in January.

Only after contracts are finalized will most clinics even allow a transfer to be scheduled.

By that point, I had already funded our escrow account and enrolled our GC in health insurance because I didn’t want to risk missing enrollment deadlines.

She officially started transfer medications in February.

And finally, our embryo transfer was scheduled for March 23rd.

Almost exactly one year after my egg retrieval.

This process has been emotional, exhausting, beautiful, terrifying, and deeply humbling all at once.

And honestly, it still feels like only the beginning.

I can’t wait to continue sharing how the rest of this journey unfolds ❤️