Baby Shower

When I was pregnant with Logan, I had planned what I thought would be the most beautiful baby shower.

I had envisioned every detail so carefully, and then Covid happened.

The entire event had to be canceled.

Even though many people chose to move their showers online virtually during that time, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. It just didn’t feel the same to me.

For years afterward, I always carried this thought in the back of my mind:“When I have my second child, I’ll finally have the shower I always imagined.”

Then came the hysterectomy.

And oddly enough, the idea of the baby shower still lingered in my heart long after everything changed.

I knew I would never experience the traditional pregnancy moments again. The belly measurements. The bump centered games. The feeling of physically carrying my baby while celebrating with everyone around me.

And I know to some people that may sound shallow or insignificant, but when you lose the ability to carry a child, it’s often the little things that hurt the most.

The tiny moments you once assumed would always be there.

Those are the things that can quietly make you feel robbed.

Fast forward to now, having the opportunity to welcome a second child into our lives.

Given our situation, this baby feels nothing short of miraculous, and something I will forever be grateful for.

When our gestational carrier passed 30 weeks, it suddenly felt real in a way it hadn’t before. And more than anything, it felt like this moment deserved to be celebrated, even if our version of celebration looked a little different than most.

I’ve been incredibly lucky to become part of an amazing group of moms over the last few years, and these wonderful women came together to throw me a baby shower.

Because I had carried so much emotion surrounding the shower for Logan that never happened, it actually meant a lot to me to help plan and bring my original vision to life in some way.

And honestly, the emotions that day were surreal.

I wanted to honor the uniqueness of this journey, so we displayed photos representing the entire timeline, from egg retrieval all the way to where we are now.

Seeing my closest friends travel from far away to celebrate with me made me feel deeply loved and emotionally whole. Their presence reminded me how important and meaningful this moment truly was.

I will always cherish that day.

Not because it looked exactly the way I once imagined years ago, but because it became beautiful in its own way.

And maybe that’s what healing often looks like.Not recreating the exact dream you lost, but allowing yourself to still find joy in the version life gives you instead.

One thing people often ask about in surrogacy journeys is whether the gestational carrier attends the baby shower.

For me personally, I realized having our GC there would have changed the emotional experience of the day for me.

And I want to be honest about that.

Her presence would have served as another reminder of why I couldn’t carry my baby myself, and emotionally, I didn’t want the shower to become centered around grief or loss that day.

I simply wanted one moment where I could fully sit in the joy of becoming a mom again.

Our GC did offer to come, which was incredibly kind of her. But after talking through my feelings with my friends, I realized it just wasn’t what I emotionally needed for myself.

There were also practical reasons involved. Per our contract, she wasn’t supposed to travel during the third trimester, and by the time we scheduled the shower, I specifically wanted the baby to be at least 34 weeks along for peace of mind that we had safely made it that far.

A small part of me worried that my decision may have hurt her feelings, and that was hard for me too.

But throughout this entire process, I have had to let go of so much emotionally.

So many expectations.So many experiences.So many versions of motherhood I once imagined.

And for once, it felt important not to give up the small pieces of this experience that still mattered deeply to me.

And I think that’s okay ❤️

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