Forgiveness

There are so many people in life who have disappointed me, caused me rage and sadness, and failed me in relationships. For a long time, I told myself that I had “forgiven” these people. But the more I say those words out loud, the more I realize there is still so much left inside me that needs to be released, healed, and understood.

The truth is, many of those people are walking around with no idea of the damage they caused, while I’ve been the one carrying the resentment on my sleeve. It’s heavy. And I wonder how many of us move through life doing the exact same thing, holding onto pain we thought we had already let go of.

Over the past few years, I’ve done an incredible amount of self work. I can honestly say I live with almost no anxiety or stress anymore, which still amazes me when I think about it. But healing doesn’t erase every emotional scar overnight. Certain feelings still rise to the surface when I’m triggered. Sometimes it’s hearing a name. Sometimes it’s remembering a season of life. Sometimes it’s simply meeting someone who reminds me of a person who hurt me. And suddenly, the emotions feel just as raw and unresolved as they once did.

I realized that even years later, some memories could still change my mood in seconds.

As I continue this journey toward health and healing, I’ve realized I want to truly forgive these people.

But how do you actually do that?

That question has been sitting heavily on my heart these past few days.

The old version of me would have wanted to confront them, to write the message, have the conversation, explain the pain, and finally get it off my chest. But the newer version of me is beginning to understand something deeper. Sometimes confrontation is less about healing and more about wanting acknowledgment. Wanting the other person to finally understand the hurt they caused. Wanting an apology that somehow makes everything feel whole again.

But real forgiveness cannot depend on someone else’s response.

This also doesn’t negate the fact that I may have caused pain to others along the way, too. There may very well be people out there who wish I would apologize to them. And maybe that realization is part of forgiveness as well, understanding that we are all human, all imperfect, and all capable of hurting each other consciously or unconsciously.

Some people may never see the situation the way we do. Some may see us as the aggressor. Some may never be emotionally available enough to hear our pain at all. And if our healing depends on their understanding, then we are still giving them power over our peace.

I’m beginning to realize that true forgiveness is about releasing the emotion, regardless of whether the other person ever apologizes. It’s about being proud of how I choose to live, how I love my family, how I carry myself, and who I continue becoming. It’s understanding that I do not need someone else’s validation to make me whole.

So I’ve decided to write the letters anyway.

Not to send them. Not to reopen wounds. Not to demand understanding. But to release everything honestly and fully. To let the emotions finally leave my body instead of continuing to live inside me. Maybe I’ll burn the letters afterward. Maybe I’ll keep them tucked away somewhere private. But the purpose is no longer about them. It’s about freedom.

Because above all, love is light.

And the more love we can give to others without expecting anything in return, without needing recognition, validation, or repayment, the more aligned we become with peace. Not because people always deserve it, but because carrying bitterness was keeping me tied to versions of myself I no longer wanted to be.

Maybe forgiveness isn’t forgetting.Maybe it’s simply choosing not to carry the weight anymore.

Maybe forgiveness is not a single moment. Maybe it’s a practice. A choice we make over and over again every time the hurt resurfaces. And maybe healing begins the moment we stop waiting for someone else to repair what only we can release.

How do you handle forgiveness?