Fed is Best

One of the hardest parts about motherhood is the internal guilt we carry while constantly wondering if we are truly doing our best.

I think it’s incredibly easy for moms to second guess their decisions, compare themselves to other mothers or households, and quietly shame themselves in the process.

When you have a newborn, there are endless things to worry about, but one of the biggest and most emotional topics is feeding your baby.

There’s often this belief that breastfeeding is the “best” way to feed a child, but I think we sometimes forget that every mother’s situation is completely different. At the end of the day, the most important thing is simply that your baby is fed, loved, and cared for.

Whether that nutrition comes from breastfeeding, pumping, donor milk, or formula does not define your worth as a mother.

Fed is best.

Always.

I was able to breastfeed Logan for about 4 months before my surgeries took too much of a toll on my body and my milk supply.

I remember feeling absolutely devastated when I realized I could no longer provide milk for him myself. I cried so hard feeling like I had somehow failed him.

At the same time, I was also trying to process the reality that I would never be able to carry another child again while still caring for my sweet newborn in the middle of my own emotional turmoil.

During that season of life, I spent a lot of time in counseling and life coaching trying to process everything emotionally. Thankfully, my doula eventually became my life coach as well, and she introduced me to something that completely changed my perspective.

A breastmilk donation group.

Honestly, it felt like a lifeline.

And to this day, I still think it’s incredible that there are women willing to help nourish babies they have never even met.

The group is called Human Milk 4 Human Babies.

There’s a local Facebook group for almost every state where mothers can either request donor milk or offer donations. The groups are usually private, and mothers are able to ask important questions regarding medications, alcohol use, diet, caffeine intake, allergies, dairy free lifestyles, and more.

You can be as selective as you want in finding the right match for your baby, and sometimes it takes several posts before finding someone who feels like the right fit.

I also learned about something called high lipase milk, which is when frozen breastmilk develops a metallic smell or taste that some babies refuse to drink.

Eventually, I found a woman with a baby boy around the same age as Logan, and she consistently donated milk to us until Logan turned one year old. Along the way, I also received milk from other generous mothers, but I was incredibly grateful that this group helped me reach the original breastfeeding milestone I had dreamed of before my diagnosis changed so much of my life.

And then there’s formula.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula either.

Personally, I simply hoped to use breastmilk for Logan because breastfeeding was something I had originally intended and envisioned for myself before life unexpectedly shifted those plans.

But formula can also be an incredible tool and resource for families.

During my research, I discovered that many European formulas follow stricter ingredient guidelines than formulas commonly sold in the United States. The European Union has tighter regulations surrounding ingredients and additives, which is why many parents choose to import those options despite the higher cost and longer shipping times.

For Logan, I supplemented with Holle Goat Formula around 8 months old when our breastmilk supply became low, and he tolerated it beautifully.

I also want to make something very clear.

I am not sharing any of this to shame parents who use American made formulas.

Not at all.

I think many parents simply don’t realize there are different options available on the market, and I personally found comfort in researching those differences for my own family.

But once again, fed is best.

How your baby is fed does not determine your love, your effort, or your success as a parent.

With Victor, I honestly wasn’t sure whether I would have enough breastmilk stored away, so I already purchased stage 1 formula ahead of time just in case we needed it.

I also reached back out to the same Facebook donor group and was able to secure over 2,000 ounces of donated breastmilk.

Our gestational carrier also generously offered to continue pumping for us and ship milk after delivery. Per our contract, she would receive compensation for pumping, along with shipping reimbursement, which can become incredibly expensive very quickly.

So for now, I continue posting in the donor groups while also feeling completely at peace knowing we have formula options I trust if needed.

Interestingly, during this round of research, I also discovered that the United States has now introduced newer FDA approved formulas designed to follow standards much closer to European ingredient guidelines, which I think is an amazing step in the right direction.

At the end of the day, motherhood is already hard enough without adding shame into the mix.

Every mother is simply trying to make the best choices she can with the information, resources, and circumstances she has.

And that alone deserves grace ❤️

https://www.hibobbie.com